HOLLYWOOD SQUARES

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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 2
Peter Marshall: According to Amy Vanderbilt, what is the maximum length of time you and your fiancé should be engaged? Rose Marie: Engaged in what?
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 3
Peter Marshall: Eddie Fisher recently said, "I am sorry. I am sorry for them both." Who was he referring to?Paul Lynde: His fans.
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 4
Peter Marshall: On what night is a woman most likely to be molested? Rose Marie: With my luck, it's probably tonight - and I'm working.
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 5
Peter Marshall: Your sheep has a temperature of 102. Is she normal? Burt Reynolds: People think I'm not normal because I keep taking her temperature.
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 6
Peter Marshall: Why is the booby bird called the booby bird? Karen Valentine: Because they have big... feet.
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 7
Peter Marshall: You're a 71-year-old man who has lost interest in sex. Does your doctor have anything to help you? Charley Weaver: No, but his nurse does.
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 8
Peter Marshall: Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather? Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 9
Peter Marshall: You're a shy, bashful girl. According to "Cosmo," will you probably be helped in overcoming your shyness by choosing an extroverted, outgoing husband? Rose Marie: Gosh, Pete, I did that once and his wife caught us.
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 10
Peter Marshall: Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs more than 150 pounds? Charley Weaver: A divorcee.
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 11
Peter Marshall: True or false, George: experts say there are only seven or eight things in the world dumber than an ant. George Gobel: Yes, and I think I voted for six of 'em.
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 12
Peter Marshall: Dennis Weaver, Debbie Reynolds, and Shelley Winters star in the movie "What's The Matter With Helen?" Who plays Helen? Charley Weaver: Dennis Weaver. That's why they asked the question.
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 13
Peter Marshall: James Stewart did it over twenty years ago when he was forty-one years old. Now he says it was "one of the best things I ever did." What was it? Marty Allen: Rhonda Fleming.
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 14
Peter Marshall: Your baby has a certain object which he loves to cling to. Should you try to break him of his habit? Joan Rivers: Yes. It's daddy's turn.
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 15
Peter Marshall: According to the World Book, is it okay to freeze your persimmons? Paul Lynde: No. You should dress warmly.
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 16
Peter Marshall: Can boys join the Campfire Girls? Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 17
Peter Marshall: Little Red Riding Hood was on her way to her grandma's house. On her way there, she stopped to get something for her grandma. To get what? Paul Lynde: Feen-a-mints.
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 18
Peter Marshall: Say Paul, what is the official currency of Puerto Rico? Paul Lynde: Food Stamps.
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 19
Peter Marshall: According to the IRS, out of every 10 Americans audited, how many end up paying more taxes?Paul Lynde: 11.
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 20
Peter Marshall: According to FEMA, people from Florida should be prepared for hurricanes and people from the Midwest should be prepared for floods. What should people from California be prepared for? Charley Weaver:The people from Florida and the people from the Midwest.
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 21
Peter Marshall: According to a recent medical study, sex can be harmful to a certain part of the body. Which part? Jan Murray: I'm sorry, what? I couldn't hear the question. A little louder, please? Peter Marshall:According to a recent medical study, sex can be harmful to a certain part of the body... Jan Murray: Six? Six can hurt a body? Oh, SEX... I remember. I'll say the eyes because I read about it so much.
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 22
Peter Marshall: Charley, how many balls are on a pool table in a standard game of 8-ball? Charley Weaver:How many men are on the table?
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 23
Peter Marshall: In the Shakespearean play "King Lear", King Lear had three of them - Goneril, Cordelia, and Regan? Who were they? Paul Lynde: King Lear had Goneril?
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 24
Peter Marshall: When Henry Kissinger recently visited Japan, he went to a geisha house. Now, how did he spend his time in the geisha house? Paul Lynde: Oh, negotiating for peace (piece) .
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 25
Peter Marshall: Will humming help your tennis game? Florence Henderson: Will humming help my tennis game? Sure, why not? It takes your mind off your balls, or something.
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 26
Peter Marshall: According to Tony Randall, "Every woman I've been intimate with in my life has been... " what?Paul Lynde: Bitterly disappointed.
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 27
Peter Marshall: Whose motto is "Do Your Best"? Paul Lynde: I guess we can rule out Jimmy Carter...
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 28
Peter Marshall: Back in the 1870s, Emile Berliner invented something, and without it, I wouldn't be able to do my job. What was it? Paul Lynde: Let's see... toupees? Facelifts? Contact lenses? Peter Marshall: Now cut that out! Paul Lynde: ... Makeup? Capped teeth? Loud sports jackets?
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 29
(Sesame Street's Oscar the Grouch is the Secret Square, and the contestant wins it) Peter Marshall: Oscar, you've made a man very happy... Oscar the Grouch: I'm sorry to hear that.
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 30
Peter Marshall: True or false, Paul - Gypsy folklore says that God created man by baking him in an oven. Paul Lynde: (turns and looks at Leslie Uggams) Looks like you were overcooked. (Leslie Uggams laughed so hard she was lying across the desk. She then she got up, walked over to Paul, smacked him on his shoulder, and walked back to her square laughing along with all the stars and the audience)
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 31
Peter Marshall: Rich, what land animal has the largest eyes? Rich Little: (doing his impersonation of her) Why, that would be Carol Channing!
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 32
Peter Marshall: What's the one thing you should never do in bed? Paul Lynde: Point and laugh!
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 33
Peter Marshall: In "The Wizard Of Oz", the Tin Man wanted a heart, and the Lion wanted courage. What did the Straw Man want? Paul Lynde: He wanted the Tin Man to notice him.
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 34
Peter Marshall: True or false: According to columnist Bert Bacharach, people tend to start shrinking a little after age 30. Paul Lynde: Did you know that Rose Marie is standing up right now in her cubicle? Rose Marie: (to Paul) OH, SHUT UP!
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 35
Peter Marshall: Oscar, how's your life? Oscar the Grouch: Well, it's actually miserable Peter Marshall: Ohhh.Oscar the Grouch: But I like being miserable; that makes me happy. Peter Marshall: It does, doesn't it? Oscar the Grouch: But I don't like being happy, so that makes me miserable.
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 36
Peter Marshall: True or false, having a good memory is a sign of a well-adjusted personality. Karen Valentine:What was the question?
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 37
(the loud horn sounds to signify time running out on the nighttime show) Peter Marshall: Let me explain what that means... Big Bird: Don't look at me!
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 38
Peter Marshall: You're in an airplane and you've developed engine trouble. What do you traditionally say over the radio? Buddy Hackett: "What the f*ck am I doing here?"
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 39
Peter Marshall: According to the World Book, what is the biggest bird on Earth? Big Bird: Well, you mean other than me? Peter Marshall: (nodding) What kind of bird are you by the way? Big Bird: I'm a lark. (Audience laughter; even Peter Marshall couldn't hold himself!) Peter Marshall: (laughing) You certainly are!
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 40
(another Secret Square is won courtesy of Oscar the Grouch) Peter Marshall: Oscar, aren't you proud again? You've made a woman happy... Oscar the Grouch: (groaning) No! I'm not supposed to HELP people!
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 41
(Big Bird is picked and turns out to be the Secret Square) Peter Marshall: Did you ever dream that one day you'd be worth 94 hundred dollars? Big Bird: Gosh! I was excited about 63 cents!
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 42
(reading of the bonus prize after player won the match) David Brenner: Here's the news, do you ride a bike?Peter Marshall: (to contestant) Do you ride a bike? (contestant nods) David Brenner: You do? Good, because in Yugoslavia your prize would be called, "Five thousand American dollars". (contestant freaks out; Marshall counts off five one-thousand-dollar bills)
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 43
Peter Marshall: Paul, does Ann Landers think there is anything wrong with you if you do your housework in the nude? Paul Lynde: No, but I have to be terribly careful when I do my ironing.
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 44
Demond Wilson: What do you like for breakfast? (Peter Marshall starts to speak) Demond Wilson: (sternly)Don't tell me "grits"!
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 45
Big Bird: (describing Oscar the Grouch) He may be grouchy on the outside, but inside beats a heart of stone.
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 46
Peter Marshall: At a recent hearing, opponents of flourinated water argued that too much flourine in a person's system can cause an uncontrolable desire for sex. Paul Lynde: (excitedly) HEY, CULLIGAN MAN!
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 47
Peter Marshall: Wally, what is the signature phrase of the cartoon character Underdog? (Cox was voice of Underdog for the duration of the cartoon's airings) Wally Cox: Where are my residuals?
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 48
Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, you husband, Edgar, is talking in his sleep. Should you be upset if he talks about his secretary? Joan Rivers: And how... his secretary is a guy!
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 49
Peter Marshall: In baseball, there's a special name for the area between a player's knees and his armpits. Paul Lynde: Aren't you glad? Aren't you glad? (shouts) Aren't you glad... he used Dial?
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 50
Peter Marshall: Paul, everyone knows the first verse. (singing) What shall we do with the drunken sailor? / What shall we do with the drunken sailor? / What shall we do with the drunken sailor? / Early in the morning? But what is the first line of the next verse? Paul Lynde: (singing) Put him in bed with Elizabeth Taylor / Put him in bed with Elizabeth Taylor / Put him in bed with Elizabeth Taylor / Early in the morning (audience laughs) Paul Lynde:How disgusting... that poor sailor!
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 51
Peter Marshall: True or false, Paul Revere had 16 children? Paul Lynde: From *one* midnight ride?
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 52
Peter Marshall: Your date's had a great shock, now she's fainted. According to experts you should loosen her clothing, and do one other thing. What? Paul Lynde: Send a postcard requesting an ambulance. Peter Marshall: You don't get along with this young lady obviously.
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 53
Peter Marshall: Paul, how do we know the first Union flag was sewn by Betsy Ross? Paul Lynde: (in a deep overly-serious voice, singing popular TV jingle of the time) You look for, the Union Label, when you buy...
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 54
Big Bird: Gee, that's a silly question, Mr Marshmallow. Peter Marshall: Uh, no, Big Bird, that's Marshall, Mr Marshall.
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 55
Peter Marshall: Okay, pick a star. Contestant: Steve Landesberg? Peter Marshall: I said, pick a star! Steve Landesberg: Hey! (audience laughter) Steve Landesberg: That's okay, I've seen your act!
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 56
Peter Marshall: True or false, on a recent talk show, Joey Heatherton said, "I am not a sexpot." Jan Murray: She's right, Pete, but you're a damn good emcee.
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 57
(Tony Randall has just been asked a question) Tony Randall: (staring dramatically into the camera) I don't *know*. (wild audience laughter) Peter Marshall: This is a bluffing game! You're supposed to come up with a bluff if you don't know the answer, you silly twerp! Tony Randall: Well, *I'm* sorry...
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 58
(show intro) Announcer: And here's the master of the Hollywood Squares, Peter Marshall. Peter Marshall:Thank you, Kenny and good morning everyone. Nice to have you with us. Hello, stars! Celebrities: Hello, Peter!
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 59
Peter Marshall: True or false, every day, about 10 million American women take the pill. Paul Lynde: And I could name 'em all!
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The Hollywood Squares (1966) - Quote 60
Peter Marshall: Can you get a closer shave in the morning or in the evening? Rose Marie: I don't know, Peter!(shouts) I don't shave! ... My face I mean. What a stupid question.
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